All the Hydrogen in the World

My Bloody Valentine

I remember it like it was yesterday. A line like this belongs in the movies, but then again so do the events of February 14th 2005. I wasn;t in Beirut when it happened, but I should've been. I remember I was still in bed when I got a txt from my friend in Beirut. All she said was that there'd been a huge explosion in beirut that day and no one knew what'd happened. I got up, walked around my apartment in Austin and really didn;t think much of her txt. I always felt disconnected from everything back home when I was in Austin. It was like I led 2 different lives, each on a different continent. I little later she sent another txt saying that they think Rafik Hariri, our ex-prime minister, had been targetted.

When I read that I began to worry. I had never cared much for Lebanese politics. It was all a load of bullshit, the ravings of a bunch of overstuffed pigs looking to wake from the lethargy they'd gotten used to. Total bull i thought. And I honestly never bothered with it. I did know though that Hariri was sort of a contraversial figure in the Lebanese political scene. Not contraversial in the provocative sense, but just in the whole Lebanese "is he a godsend or just out to make more money" kind of way. A lot of people never liked him, I'd always been neutral. I knew of teh charitable acts he'd been involved in and, naive as it may be, I just figured he was relatively a good person. End of story.

The next message i got practically froze me in my place. I think i was somewhere between the kitchen and living room when i pressed teh read button on my phone. "Hariri's dead...." was all it said. I couldn'e believe it. I became so upset, felt like someone had targeted me personally, like i wasn't safe in my own apartment. I couldn;t breathe. i'd never felt like that before. I'd experienced death before, death of people I'd actually cared about and it's always been upsetting to me. Hariri's death somehow managed to force me to react differently. I didn't understand it at the time.

A year on, and I still haven't fully grasped the impact of the death of a public figure like Hariri. A few days ago marked his 1-year passing. I went to the demonstration they'd organized to mark that day along with what they said was over a million other people. I wasn't here last year to denounce this act of terror, and I wasn't able to make my voice heard. No one in Austin particularly understood the impact of what had happened. I couldn;t explain to them how upsetting his assasination was, and how it would affect the country. So I left it at that.

In Martyrs Square, or Freedom Square, or whatever they're calling it these days, I saw nothing that helped me voice my opinion. It was typical Lebanese jargon, supporters of the milliona and two Lebanese political parties, and the occasional insult to our much respected president. Very disappointing to say the least. I held on to my flag, held my head up high and left. I figured I'd sort of left my mark, or at least allowed strange men to momentarily leave their hand prints on my back and buttocks while pushing through the crowds.

So much for national pride and integrity. Welcome to Lebanon I say.

posted by Rasha @ 2/18/2006 08:47:00 PM