Friday, June 02, 2006

All the best, A.

I opened my inbox the other day to find what I can probably call the oddest email I've ever received. Let me give you a little background info. I went out with this guy (we'll call him A.) for around 3 years on and off. It was an "I'm young and think I'm in love" kind of relationship that ended up breaking my heart and opening my eyes to the way relationships really work. A., you see, after moving to America, starting becoming a little over zealous about his religious beliefs and that put me in situation after situation where my moral principles were questioned and the goodness of my heart was not so apparent anymore. To him, that is. It's the sort of thing I look back on and think "what the???". But that was over 2 years ago and I've since moved on to better things.

So I'm checking my email and I find an email from A. Last thing I expected let me tell you, and this is what I got to reading:

Salaam Rasha,
I hope this email finds you doing great. I pray that everything is
going great for you in-terms of work, family, friends and anything you
are pursuing right now. I just wanted to mention that I have NO
regrets whatsoever, and how would I as a result of meeting a great
honest and sincere person like you? Although I'm not happy with every
single choice I made, I do know that overall I have learned from this
experience and can actually be a better person as a result of it
insha'Allah. Be sure that these years have gone a long way in shaping
the Ahmad of today, and I am thankful to you for showing me countless
virtues at their exemplary form. For any negativity you see when you
look back at those few months, I ask your forgiveness, as I'm sure
that, like me, you embrace your past in effort to become the Rasha
that you are now and the Rasha you will be in your hopefully
successful, joyful, healthy, and happy future insha'Allah. May Allah
grant you all your wishes and reward you with a successful career that
you deserve and I know will work hard to earn.

All the best,

Upon reading this little piece of literature, I didn't know how to react. I wanted to laugh, I wanted to tell him to fuck off, and I wanted to tell him that I too have no regrets. I did none. I till don't know how o react. I keep wondering why he sent this email. Is he trying to make amends because he has a guilty conscience? He really did screw me over at the time. His reason for our last and final break up was that he wasn’t ready for a commitment (believe me I wasn’t ready for a commitment either). Lo and behold, he was engaged to be married to a conservative, veiled young lady 4 months later. Whatever.

My take on this is as follows:
I belive that A. is following some religious cleansing program, sort of like AA but for those of us who have found God and decided to devote their lives to Him. Some sheikh probably told him that he has to undo whatever harm he’s done in his past. I’d really like to help but I can’t get myself to forget that his actions, as juvenile as they had been, did leave me bitter and angry though they did make me realize my self worth (maybe a little too much).

What bothers me the most, however, is that just like those years we were together he continues to make me feel guilty. After screwing me over time and again, he thinks he has the right to take the moral high ground and send such a sneaky email. Whatever. Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but he hurt me at a time when I was very vulnerable and I can't forget that. At a time when my friends were having problems with their boyfriends about stupid shit, I had to prove that, just because I wasn't as religious as he was, I was still a good person. On several occasions he said that I was the one thing preventing him from a becoming a virtuous person. Just what every girl wants to hear. Young love, eh?

In any case, I don’t know if I can say that I regret those 3 long years I spent with A.

BUT…I can say that it was a waste of my time and youth. All the best, A.


At Thursday, June 15, 2006 12:00:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


I wouldn't read too much into it either. In a certain age, people behave in ways that are mostly driven by instinct and locale, meaning he was probably located in your area, and that's one of the main reasons that you had any relation with him. So chill out girl, and just for the record: It wasn't wasted time. It's an essential step in every human being's life, and that my friend is what makes you a great person.


At Sunday, July 23, 2006 6:31:00 PM, Blogger Khookh said...

babe do you realize that you left his name anonymous, but still didnt edit the email (where he mentions his own name!!)

That's my only comment.

For now.

At Sunday, July 23, 2006 9:33:00 PM, Blogger Rasha said... it matters.


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