Monday, April 17, 2006

Perfect

I've come to realize that it's one thing to make yourself happy, but it's quite another to make someone else happy. Relationships are complex and no matter how hard you try, it’s never enough. It’s funny how the perfect start to the close-enough-to-perfect relationship can dissipate so quickly. I really could use a Judith McNaught moment right now.
It seems that overnight things change. Expectations change, attitudes change, and people’s ability to withstand each others faults suddenly grows to a standstill. I’m really disappointed. And I’m really hurt. I’m almost 24 years old and I still don’t understand anything. Every time I think I’ve gotten a grasp on the way things work, I get mulled over by god knows what and I find myself lying in a ditch covered in dirt and wondering what hit me. What did hit me? How do things suddenly turn so sour? I don’t remember getting a bad taste in my mouth... I just suddenly felt sick. I hate feeling sick. I’m really upset. Really am. And I need to vent. I don’t know if I’m angry or if I’m hurt or if I’m just confused. I’m a little bit of everything I guess and I hate it. I freakin hate it. It’s almost 3 am and I’m too upset to sleep and I have work tomorrow and that makes me angry. I have to go to work tomorrow and I’m gonna be dead tired and I’m gonna be upset because I’m so disappointed at this point I just wanna scream. It’s just not fair. Things might work out, but for the time being everything’s in shambles. I’m supposed to be having a good year but this month fucking sucks. I hate April. I hate everything it’s brought me so far. March was good. February wasn’t half bad. January was ok too. I hate April. Had I been someone else I’d be sitting in bed with a bottle of alcohol drinking my sorrows away. I’m that upset… and angry… and confused. It just so happens I don’t believe in drinking by yourself. It’s a sad sad state and right now I’m a lot of things but I’m not sad. I am sad. It’s not fair.

4 Comments:

At Tuesday, April 18, 2006 2:42:00 AM, Blogger La La said...

Rasha u wanna talk about it?

 
At Tuesday, April 18, 2006 3:54:00 PM, Blogger Rasha said...

la la: I've calmed down :). A while back I realized I was too old to sit and pull my Barbie's hair out when I got angry. So...I looked for other ways to vent. This blog happened to be easily accessible during my hissy fit. It's comforting to know I have a captive audience of...1. Thank you La La :).

 
At Tuesday, April 18, 2006 8:00:00 PM, Blogger jij said...

make that captive audience of 2 ;)

 
At Tuesday, April 18, 2006 9:04:00 PM, Blogger Ramzi said...

"Sorrow Drowning Special" every other night at Dragonfly, Gemmayzeh.

Join us for a forgettable evening of pointless rambling.

B.Y.O.C. (bring your own crisis)

 

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